Rule of Thumb

I'm around a small child for over twelve hours a day, so a lot of my opportunity to see cultural differences is through the prism of parenting. Perhaps not surprisingly, the first thing I noticed was a difference at the playground. With smaller children and babies, there is a lot of "helicopter parenting" going on, especially if the grandparents are the caretakers. They are always hovering right by the child, admonishing them not to bump their head or take a risky step. Needless to say, Joseph and I have been on the receiving end of more than a few dirty looks for our comparative neglect of Evangeline. Our playground attitude is typical of what we've seen from parents in the US - as long as she's within her limits, we don't interfere with her because we don't want to teach her to be afraid. Sure, if she's trying something new that might be a stretch for her abilities, I'll go over and spot her, but I generally let her make her own mistakes as long as she can't seriously hurt herself. So it's been weird for me to see these grandparents and parents and not feel judgmental. I believe in Evangeline's capabilities and her capacity to learn. If she bumps her head on a tunnel because she doesn't duck, she rubs it for a minute, but then the next time she goes through she ducks her head. It's hard to see this philosophy in action and not think that it's better, but I guess that's the point of us being here--growth!

The parenting difference that has been the most irritating so far here has to do with attitudes toward thumb sucking. It is really frowned upon, even for small babies. It's rare to see a Chinese baby with a pacifier. For those of you who have been around Evangeline a lot, you know that she's always sucked on her ring and middle fingers for comfort. She does it less and less as she gets older, and now she really only does it when she's tired or upset. I've done research on thumb sucking, and in her case, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it until her permanent teeth start coming in. Every single credible source will tell you that. Last week we were on an outing with my Chinese friend, Grace, and her little boy who is a year older than Evangeline. We were going home on the metro, and it was getting close to nap time, so Evangeline got on my lap and popped her fingers in. Grace was very surprised that I didn't mind, so we talked about it. She told me about the draconian methods she used to stop her older daughter from sucking her fingers as an infant, which was hard to listen to. And Grace said that their pediatrician was blaming the trouble her son was having with a certain consonant on the fact that he was sucking his thumb at night. She was frustrated, saying that she couldn't monitor him all night to make sure he doesn't suck his thumb. I never feel good about contradicting someone's doctor, so I just said that it probably wasn't anything to worry about until he's older. But it makes me sad to think of all those babies who are prevented from following their natural instinct to suck. And I wonder how much people here use the internet, even doctors. Of course, the internet has come too late for old ladies. The other day on the metro, an old lady actually pulled Evangeline's fingers out of her mouth when I was holding her. I was too surprised to react the first time, but when she tried to do it again, I told her in no uncertain terms to leave Evangeline alone!

I still can't get over how weird the "helper" thing is, too. Here's a picture of the kids from the mom's group that I'm in. One of the moms took it when the kids were having their snack. We just leave all the kids in the playroom while the helpers take care of them:

But it's not like everyone has a helper. Two of the moms who live in our apartment complex don't have helpers, so we're not alone with our lack of domestic assistance! :)

I'll have more pictures soon. Sorry for the lack of scenery, but the last few weeks we've been in a serious get-settled mode.